Wow fear sure does suck, its such a massive strong feeling, and heck what do I do with it, how can I make it go away, I hate this feeling oh so much! Its funny all the folks keep saying to me how do you do it, how do you stay so very strong, how can you just be so positive, well inside its not that way, heck I am scared to death, huh what an odd choice of words for me to pick, as it is death that I am afraid of right now, damn it, I so badly want to just be able to make this damn disease dissapear of the face of the earth, not just for my sake but for all the people who suffer from it, damn it "CANCER YOU SUCK" I want to just go to the top of the highest building and scream it at the top of my lungs how very much I hate this blasted disease, I know if I did that I would likely feel awhole heck of alot better, or would I, gosh but I often wonder, but then again it is tempting. You know when I am up at the hospital and everyone and I do mean everyone is so damn sick, throwing their insides up, just going out of their minds, the tears seem to go on forever, its like nobody ever smiles, I try so very hard to stay strong, be positive but wow it is so very hard, I lost my Dad to lung cancer, I lost one of my Uncles to prostate cancer, one to stomach cancer, one to lymphoma and so on and so on.
The friends I have lost to this damn disease is utterly ridiculous, and each time another one says oh Nik I got some bad news today at the drs I am like please no, let them say anything but the c word, its like I hate the word. Not to be a bitch but hey where the hell does all the money go, each time I am paying attention it seems like there is another run, or a walk or something going on for cancer research or whatever, well I am not stupid do they think we are all dumb, like where is the cure, I have this super strong feeling that they do have one, but hell then they couldn't get all this money that they get so is that the answer, well I am hurting and I have to go spray my nitro before I no longer feel anything, so that it for this one.
