I am so very unhappy, I was the happiest person when my husband was still alive and with me, however here in Alberta Canada they seem to do whatever the bleepers they want, and this is the God's truth! My husband had leukemia, he had been in the hospital, the Peter Lougheed, he always was well treated when he was in there, he would ask the nurse if she would please put a cot in the room for me to be able to spend the nights with him, he hated the nites most, always they did, and always they were as nice as they could be. I loved that man moore than life itself, and he loved me, oh God we were always always together, never did you see one without the other, and if you did it was usually due to the other not feeling upto par, however the one on their own would always hury home to the other. My life with Matt was wonderful, sure we had times when we were ancious for the check to come in, yet always we made it, usually it was just being so very happy knowing we had each other's love always got us through. I miss him so very much words can't begin to say, he loved me like I had never ever been loved in my entire life before. I lived with a foster family as a child who always treated me well, they were a fine family, filled with love, she had raised many children, never ever did she raise her hand to one, she always gave them more than she had. I was Blessed to have the years with them that I did, I still think of and miss them often, May they Both Rest in Peace!
Now onething my beloved Matt always worried about as time was getting on, he was so very worried about me, you see in the beginning we always believed I would be the first to pass as I have alot of things wrong, any of which are terminal, but God must have a plan for me as I am still here, however when we saw that I might live longer than my Matt, he worried about how I was going to make it, this lovely lady that worked with people who were in Matt's situation came to see us, she helped Matt to get all the money he was allowed. He told her, okay this is terriffic except for onething, what if something happens to me, then who and what will my wife live on, that was when she told Matt that I had nothing to fear, nor did he as his pention would cover me, he must've asked her at least 3x's are you sure that AISH won't take it off her check, she said no they won't she is allowed to receive her widow's pention, (dear God forgive me I so hate to write that word or think it or anything), imagine me a widow, my baby is really gone.
Okay today I called Revenue Canada, I was begging for some help, you see I received a letter telling me that my check for 90dollars had been deposited to my bank account, so once again I called the line, nope I have 4dollars and some change that's all in there, so I know I didn't receive any deposit. I also saw this was deposited back in July, so normal folk would just return it, right they would see, gee this isn't my money I will send it back to revenue Canada and they can fwd it to the rightful owner, but nope not in my case, it is lost, you see it went to the Bank of Montreal, that account has been closed for more than 5yrs, yet it is somehow,somewhere in that account, I can't figure it out, thankfully I got a very kind lady who seems genuinely concerned and wants to help me if she possibly can, but she seems baffled right now, so I had to leave it with her and if anything new arose she would call me back.
I then went to see my worker from AISH, you see the govt was kind enough to tell me I am due three yrs of back GST which was such a God Send, as I could sure use it, I have a disease that well here is a real quick example everynite when I go to sleep my feet fall asleep and they are like 2clubs, it is painful, but so long as it wakes me its alright, anyhow everything tight cuts off my circulation, and last time my sweet Matt was in the Peter Lougheed I had to walk with my walker all the way to the ramp at Sunridge and I froze two toes, my feet freeze so easilly its so painful, also dangerous. I found a pair of winter boots, I was going to try to put them on lay away if they have it as they are exspensive, but lite as a feather which is very good, also they are filled with a bunch of lining so I don't need to worry about that, and darn warm, oh I had hoped to get them. I figured I could perhaps get a warm jacket with a hood for 50dollars at Wallmart, anyhow I was thinking with my pention I would be able to get the jacket, a hat, mittens, and a scarve for little or nothing at Wallmart and be okay, well today I learned that AISH is going to take the pention from me, I am not allowed to get it, suppossedly its not allowed, I don't understand.
But today I decided, I am not going to let folks walk all over me anymore, I have for waaaay too long, I am going to sue the hospital that took my husband's life. This doctor had the gall to actually right out lie, she wrote on the file that she had me permission to stop all treatments for my husband, she said I gave her this right, never in a million years would I have done such a thing, I loved that man with all my life, there is no way possible I would have put him through such hell. He wanted Christmas, he kept saying how important it was to him, you see he spent the last year in the hospital, it hurt him so bad, he wanted to be home for his last one, well those bastards made sure he didn't get it. On the nite of the 1st of Dec he coughed up some blood and then his nose began to bleed, well he was sitting up and pushing the call button, anyhow the nurse came, he asked me what does he want, excuse me I am wrong the 1st time he came he threw a box of kleenex at him, and left, well Matt continued to push the button, it was then he came back, he said to me why is he pushing the call button, I said to him are you blind, can you not see his nose is bleeding, and we can't get it to stop, plus he coughed up a large ammount of blood he needs platelets, it was then I got his attention, all of a sudden, after assuring me he had done his job, which he stated consisted of seeing he had all of his meds, he was comfortable and that was it, oh I was angry and some anyhow he then took me into the hall, he reads me from the file, the doctor claims she has my permission to cease all treatments, I went out of my mind, because of my state of mind, and also the fact he knew that Matt was in dire straits, he decided to do the right thing, he called the doctor who was on call, him I respect so very much, I wish he had been my "Matt's" doctor all along as I believe he would've most assuredlly had his Christmas, anyhow he was at home, however snow and all he came in, when he arrived he came straight to Matt's room, he picked up th efile, he was reading from it, the more he read the madder he became, he said and I thank God for him as Matt heard every word, as he must've believed I too had given up on him, and the onething that always made him so happy was I never ever had, 2x's before I would've lost him if it had not been for me screaching to let me in, anyhow the doctor said how in the 'hell' did this happen, this man's wife is standing right here and I have no doubt she never ever gave any permission for anyy of this, Dear God, it is the most horrible thing one can do to another living being the person's body when not receiving nutrition, begins to live off its own organs, its a very horrible and painful way to die, anyhow he ordered back Matt's IV also platelets and blood, all of it, he said he wa sgoing to speak with the doctor who had written this order in the am. My beloved Matt passed the am of the 3rd, at 7am they pronounced him, it was right after I had gotten there, you see I called them at 1:15am and I begged the nurse that answered to please allow me to come up, I said please I am begging you my husband and I are very close and I feel it, there is something so very wrong, I told her I was pleading with her to please allow me to come up and be with him, she said no, she said he is fine, I just checked him, he is sleeping and you can see him in the morning, the doors are locked and hung up on me, I sat up all nite, I never ever slept, at 6:30am the phone rang it was them, get here as quickly as you can, I had made arrangements, an ambulance had been promised to me and everything, to bring my beloved Matt home, so it was no surprise to me at all when instead I went to see him for the very last time, to say good-bye and remind him of how very much I loved him, I will love him forever and always, I pray with all my being he still loves me, oh God how in the name of God do I keep going, I was trying I trully was, but after today I feel to give up, I really do, I can't take it anymore, I didn't think any of them could mess with me, wow was I ever wrong they can do whatever the bleepers they want to, well I am done, I so needed to get this off my chest.
Ooops almost forgot, this you'll just love, you're gonna say awwww bs, she's making this up, but nope its the truth yet once again, the rich take as very much as they can from the poor, oh the poor ofcourse would be me, anyhow I go to the funeral parlour, on 17th its called Pierson's, these people have more money than they'll ever spend, anyhow the CPP alots 2500.00 for the wife or husband which ever the case maybe. Okay, well you know in my case I was his wife, well Matt had made me promise to him to never ever let any of his family know he was in hospital, and he said when he died, under no circumstances was I to have anything to do with any of them, his exact words, they never gave a damn about me when I was alive they can go to blazes when I die, he was adamant, I mean adamant, he made me swear, promise you name it and Matt knew I believe very much in God so he also knew I would keep my word. Anyhow the funeral parlour was told by me my husband wanted no services, none at all, he wished to be cremated, I ofcourse wanted to see him nobodyelse, they agreed, oh he said but its not going to cost very much I am concerned if they'll agree to pay for it, if you were burying him there would be no worry, it was sickening, anyhow his real reasons, he billed AISH 2516.00 cash which took the entire check I had coming from cpp, so that's that oh and yet once more, ofcourse there is nothing that can be done, they are upset that they were taken advantage of, but where I am concerned it really doesn't matter. I am so hurt, so sick and tired of being ripped off, used and abused, I can't even begin to tell you, you know its funny this one gal Lori, she had a problem, she owed alot of people money, she was afraid she couldn't pay them, so she turned around bought some pills from her folks and took them all that night, she decided she couldn't take anymore, for the longest time, I had thought how could she do that, I think I am better understood now, nobody can keep taking it over and over, when it doesn't seem to ever gonna get any better, I believe so very much in Our Lord and Saviour, I also believe if we take our own life, we don't ever get to Heaven, God I wish you did forgive this sin, its getting to be too much, Father, it says you never ever give us more than we can take, dear God, please Lord I honestly can't take anymore! Your loving daughter, and matt's wife forever & always!!!xoxooxxoxoxxox
Now onething my beloved Matt always worried about as time was getting on, he was so very worried about me, you see in the beginning we always believed I would be the first to pass as I have alot of things wrong, any of which are terminal, but God must have a plan for me as I am still here, however when we saw that I might live longer than my Matt, he worried about how I was going to make it, this lovely lady that worked with people who were in Matt's situation came to see us, she helped Matt to get all the money he was allowed. He told her, okay this is terriffic except for onething, what if something happens to me, then who and what will my wife live on, that was when she told Matt that I had nothing to fear, nor did he as his pention would cover me, he must've asked her at least 3x's are you sure that AISH won't take it off her check, she said no they won't she is allowed to receive her widow's pention, (dear God forgive me I so hate to write that word or think it or anything), imagine me a widow, my baby is really gone.
Okay today I called Revenue Canada, I was begging for some help, you see I received a letter telling me that my check for 90dollars had been deposited to my bank account, so once again I called the line, nope I have 4dollars and some change that's all in there, so I know I didn't receive any deposit. I also saw this was deposited back in July, so normal folk would just return it, right they would see, gee this isn't my money I will send it back to revenue Canada and they can fwd it to the rightful owner, but nope not in my case, it is lost, you see it went to the Bank of Montreal, that account has been closed for more than 5yrs, yet it is somehow,somewhere in that account, I can't figure it out, thankfully I got a very kind lady who seems genuinely concerned and wants to help me if she possibly can, but she seems baffled right now, so I had to leave it with her and if anything new arose she would call me back.
I then went to see my worker from AISH, you see the govt was kind enough to tell me I am due three yrs of back GST which was such a God Send, as I could sure use it, I have a disease that well here is a real quick example everynite when I go to sleep my feet fall asleep and they are like 2clubs, it is painful, but so long as it wakes me its alright, anyhow everything tight cuts off my circulation, and last time my sweet Matt was in the Peter Lougheed I had to walk with my walker all the way to the ramp at Sunridge and I froze two toes, my feet freeze so easilly its so painful, also dangerous. I found a pair of winter boots, I was going to try to put them on lay away if they have it as they are exspensive, but lite as a feather which is very good, also they are filled with a bunch of lining so I don't need to worry about that, and darn warm, oh I had hoped to get them. I figured I could perhaps get a warm jacket with a hood for 50dollars at Wallmart, anyhow I was thinking with my pention I would be able to get the jacket, a hat, mittens, and a scarve for little or nothing at Wallmart and be okay, well today I learned that AISH is going to take the pention from me, I am not allowed to get it, suppossedly its not allowed, I don't understand.
But today I decided, I am not going to let folks walk all over me anymore, I have for waaaay too long, I am going to sue the hospital that took my husband's life. This doctor had the gall to actually right out lie, she wrote on the file that she had me permission to stop all treatments for my husband, she said I gave her this right, never in a million years would I have done such a thing, I loved that man with all my life, there is no way possible I would have put him through such hell. He wanted Christmas, he kept saying how important it was to him, you see he spent the last year in the hospital, it hurt him so bad, he wanted to be home for his last one, well those bastards made sure he didn't get it. On the nite of the 1st of Dec he coughed up some blood and then his nose began to bleed, well he was sitting up and pushing the call button, anyhow the nurse came, he asked me what does he want, excuse me I am wrong the 1st time he came he threw a box of kleenex at him, and left, well Matt continued to push the button, it was then he came back, he said to me why is he pushing the call button, I said to him are you blind, can you not see his nose is bleeding, and we can't get it to stop, plus he coughed up a large ammount of blood he needs platelets, it was then I got his attention, all of a sudden, after assuring me he had done his job, which he stated consisted of seeing he had all of his meds, he was comfortable and that was it, oh I was angry and some anyhow he then took me into the hall, he reads me from the file, the doctor claims she has my permission to cease all treatments, I went out of my mind, because of my state of mind, and also the fact he knew that Matt was in dire straits, he decided to do the right thing, he called the doctor who was on call, him I respect so very much, I wish he had been my "Matt's" doctor all along as I believe he would've most assuredlly had his Christmas, anyhow he was at home, however snow and all he came in, when he arrived he came straight to Matt's room, he picked up th efile, he was reading from it, the more he read the madder he became, he said and I thank God for him as Matt heard every word, as he must've believed I too had given up on him, and the onething that always made him so happy was I never ever had, 2x's before I would've lost him if it had not been for me screaching to let me in, anyhow the doctor said how in the 'hell' did this happen, this man's wife is standing right here and I have no doubt she never ever gave any permission for anyy of this, Dear God, it is the most horrible thing one can do to another living being the person's body when not receiving nutrition, begins to live off its own organs, its a very horrible and painful way to die, anyhow he ordered back Matt's IV also platelets and blood, all of it, he said he wa sgoing to speak with the doctor who had written this order in the am. My beloved Matt passed the am of the 3rd, at 7am they pronounced him, it was right after I had gotten there, you see I called them at 1:15am and I begged the nurse that answered to please allow me to come up, I said please I am begging you my husband and I are very close and I feel it, there is something so very wrong, I told her I was pleading with her to please allow me to come up and be with him, she said no, she said he is fine, I just checked him, he is sleeping and you can see him in the morning, the doors are locked and hung up on me, I sat up all nite, I never ever slept, at 6:30am the phone rang it was them, get here as quickly as you can, I had made arrangements, an ambulance had been promised to me and everything, to bring my beloved Matt home, so it was no surprise to me at all when instead I went to see him for the very last time, to say good-bye and remind him of how very much I loved him, I will love him forever and always, I pray with all my being he still loves me, oh God how in the name of God do I keep going, I was trying I trully was, but after today I feel to give up, I really do, I can't take it anymore, I didn't think any of them could mess with me, wow was I ever wrong they can do whatever the bleepers they want to, well I am done, I so needed to get this off my chest.
Ooops almost forgot, this you'll just love, you're gonna say awwww bs, she's making this up, but nope its the truth yet once again, the rich take as very much as they can from the poor, oh the poor ofcourse would be me, anyhow I go to the funeral parlour, on 17th its called Pierson's, these people have more money than they'll ever spend, anyhow the CPP alots 2500.00 for the wife or husband which ever the case maybe. Okay, well you know in my case I was his wife, well Matt had made me promise to him to never ever let any of his family know he was in hospital, and he said when he died, under no circumstances was I to have anything to do with any of them, his exact words, they never gave a damn about me when I was alive they can go to blazes when I die, he was adamant, I mean adamant, he made me swear, promise you name it and Matt knew I believe very much in God so he also knew I would keep my word. Anyhow the funeral parlour was told by me my husband wanted no services, none at all, he wished to be cremated, I ofcourse wanted to see him nobodyelse, they agreed, oh he said but its not going to cost very much I am concerned if they'll agree to pay for it, if you were burying him there would be no worry, it was sickening, anyhow his real reasons, he billed AISH 2516.00 cash which took the entire check I had coming from cpp, so that's that oh and yet once more, ofcourse there is nothing that can be done, they are upset that they were taken advantage of, but where I am concerned it really doesn't matter. I am so hurt, so sick and tired of being ripped off, used and abused, I can't even begin to tell you, you know its funny this one gal Lori, she had a problem, she owed alot of people money, she was afraid she couldn't pay them, so she turned around bought some pills from her folks and took them all that night, she decided she couldn't take anymore, for the longest time, I had thought how could she do that, I think I am better understood now, nobody can keep taking it over and over, when it doesn't seem to ever gonna get any better, I believe so very much in Our Lord and Saviour, I also believe if we take our own life, we don't ever get to Heaven, God I wish you did forgive this sin, its getting to be too much, Father, it says you never ever give us more than we can take, dear God, please Lord I honestly can't take anymore! Your loving daughter, and matt's wife forever & always!!!xoxooxxoxoxxox
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