Disciple "Things Left Unsaid" with lyrics

Matt "My Sweet Love" its been so hard baby I try I really do, I keep trying to tell myself that when God calls me I pray "HE" does, I can finally be where I have always wanted to be, where I know without a doubt I belong and sweetheart that is back in your loving arms, Dear God I can't believe no matter how hard I try I never knew in my entire life that anything on earth could hurt this much, oh God how it hurts, it feels as though there is something inside of me just pulling and yanking at my inards I find music as you know I love my music I have always been able to find some comfort in music, I found this song, I am still unable to listen to it without crying my heart out, I think of you laying in that hospital bed knowing how very much you trully wanted to be home, I remember the constant arguments I had with the staff, as each time I came they would say to me Mrs. Groves we need to talk with you, always the same exact conversation, they would ask for my permission to stop treating you, I would tell them the same thing each and every single time, no you cannot, I insist my husband be treated as best as possible with all he requires at all times, and I meant it with all of my being, I told them I wasn't rude, I tried so very hard to make them understand, I knew you better than anyone on the face of this earth, I knew how hard you had already fought and I also knew how hard you were fighting then, I told them all he wants is Christmas, please, last year he never had his Christmas and it is all he has been talking about, it means everything to him, I told them that I had been told by our homecare nurse who had looked after you from the very beginning whenever you required their services and that she also knew you very well and was sure you would indeed be with me for Christmas, honey, I am so very sorry, my heart is just breaking, I think to myself whatelse could I have done, gosh even you tried, remember 'My sweet baby' you said to them at the top of your lungs I want to live, and Dear God, how any of them could do what they did is totally inconceivable to me, never in my wildest dreams did I think that anyone would risk everything to do what that female witch (supposed to be a doctor) oh I often think alot of the reason I haven't been called Home yet is God wants me to somehow forgive her, oh I am so confused I just can't, I beg that God will understand and forgive me for not being able to forgive her, I ask how, how can I possibly, she lied to me, because of her you must've thought the only person you said you believed in that would always no matter what be fighting for you and believe in you, you must have thought for those long blasted six days that I had indeed given up on you, when in reality I was asking question after question and being lied to over and over again, I'll never forget the doctor that was on call that nite as long as I live I will feel a great debt to him, if not for him you might never have known the truth, but when he came back to the hospital and into your room, he had your file in his hands, he was yelling and really angry, he asked them and I quote him word for word, "How the Hell did this happen" somebody answer how in the hell has this man been without his IV, his blood transfussions or his platelets which he is to receive now, how his wife is right here, I have no doubt at all she never ever gave anyone on this staff the permission to cease his treatment, nor for that matter do I see a signature where her's should be, so someone tell me just how this happened, oh he was just furious, I remember the nurse saying he didn't think the doctor on call would come out in this weather, as it was oh so cold that night and just misserable, it was snowing and icy, an awful night and he had already gotten home had his dinner and settled in for the night, but when the nurse told him of the situation and me demanding you receive platelets he said he'd be there within the hour and by golly he was true to his word. I will forever and I trully mean that I am oh so grateful to him, I can still see your beautiful face looking at me, tears just streaming down your precious cheeks, oh baby I oh God how I wish I had known sooner, but they got their wish, they had kept you off so long your poor body just couldnt' do it anymore, Honey I remember saying to you oh God Baby I pray to God you know just how much I love you, we both cried our hearts out and you just kissed me over and over, sweetie I would give anything in this world for just one more day, even an hour, 10mins anything just to see you to know without a doubt you are trully okay, that you are happy, I am grateful for one thing and that is the fact I know your not hurting anymore and nobody, nobody can ever ever hurt you again, I thank God for that so very much. Oh Baby the hell those bastards put you through, some of them I caught but it terriffies me wondering just what the hell went on when I wasn't there to protect you. I am also very very grateful to the paramedics who came to our home, had they not given you the medication I told them the nurse said she was worried during the afternoon remember, she wanted you to go into the hospital, I often think back on that and wish I had said honey maybe we should just to be safe, I say that because I think had we done that you'd have been at the Peter Lougheed not the Foothills, they were very good to you there except for the one doctor who didn't have a clue about medications for a patient with your disease or for that matter your disease, but it was daytime still so I am sure you'd have not even seen her, I know that was one of the reasons you didn't want to go. You see "Baby" I KNOW saying it again I KNOW because I do, without a doubt, had you been at the Peter Lougheed they wouldn't have insisted I leave you alone when you were pleading for them to let me stay, they would never have thrown me out at 9pm with the reminder always now you do realize your husband could die tonite, charming lot they have up there they trully are, they should go into politics they'd fit right in. Oh I appologize I know we have many good people and we did just have an election, I had trully hoped this man Mr. Taylor would be elected in our ward honey you know it was so kool, we got a pamplet from him I read it, and I thought, hmm I wonder if he'd be willing to talk with me about them having taken the survivor benefits off my check and put me down to 733.00 a month to live on from AISH, anyhow I thought I am going to see and I called, well I left him a detailed message telling him just why I had called now you know I didn't excpect anyone to call, but I really wasn't prepared for the gentleman himself to take the time and call me he was genuinely concerned over the fact that they said I wasn't allowed my survivor benefits, especially upset when I told him, they took the entire 2500.oo benefit, I was told they were going to pay for your cremation and the other costs (sorry baby but you know I always tell you everything) anyhow I told him I never even said anything, it didn't matter to me, funny isn't it, you'd be hollering at me I know as you know how hard it would be for me on my income to keep going, heck 733 doesn't pay the rent, I have tried to find other places, but to be totally honest this was my home with you and I don't want to leave "OUR HOME" I feel often as though you are here helping in your way, and baby your love is all I need it all the help I need, I adore you oh how I miss you, sorry i'll get back to what I was telling you, anyhow he was a real nice man, he cared about me, little ole me, I have nothing, no money, don't own a darn thing,and I told him as much, he seemed to care even more then, he was really a nice guy, oh how I hoped he was going to win, the last time I checked I was all happy cause he was in the lead, but sadly he lost and by so very little too, some lady got in, I haven't bothered trying to call her. Anyhow honey, I wanted you to know , huh Rollin With the Flow just came on the radio on Galaxie Country by Charlie Rich, oh I used to love that song baby remember. Oh sweetie how I wish you had got your Beloved Christmas, you know what sweetie I didn't even realize it was Christmas at first, but as I know you know I spend each day except if I have to go out like today to the doctor the same, laying on the couch with our beloved 'kiaa' and waiting for you, I will wait until finally you come, I know you will. It was funny I was so angry today, I couldn't help it, you see I emailed Hon. Premiere Ed Stelmach, and when I rec'd the letter I called, the minister I spoke with was very kind, asked alot of questions, I told him everything, the next thing I knew I rec'd a phone call from Aish from our worker remember Blake, well his supv. called me and said she had been contacted by their office she wasn't pleased for sure but perhaps I will receive justice, I know for this you'd be so proud you hated it when I just let stuff go, you would say why don't you stick up for yourself, and I would tell you aww honey its no big deal, but honey this is onetime you are right it is a really big deal and I promise you I intend to try and try and keep trying until I get back what you were promised I would be receiving. Are you ready for another doozy, this is what they told me, okay ready, it is not allowed to receive a govt. check from the Provincial Govt, and also from the Federal, okay I said if this is really the case, how is it my husband was allowed to received both and for quite sometime as a matter of fact, that was when I got angry as you know I don't lie, and I was told I was dead wrong, there was no way you had received the both, I to that replied calmly, maam I was receiving my survivor's benefit from the pention board which is the Federal Govt. correct, she said yes I was right and that it was wrong, I told her, just a minute, for me to be receiving this check my husband had to have been on it, she again agreed, then I said okay, Aish paid for my husband's funeral, now we both know they would not have done that unless he himself was on this check she got upset with me something about another call and hung up, anyhow it is still ongoing, however I found out the reason the funeral parlour charged 2514.00 okay now considering its only 500 to cremate someone oh yes and remember they told me under no circumstances could I have an urn, however they provide me with one that is approved by Aish, there wasn't one there at the time, well honey you and I both know it is a plastic box God help me, and they billed 300 for it, okay still, but it is legal as Aish actually tells them to make certain that anyone receiving this benefit doesn't receive any change, it is to be priced to the level that totals the ammount of the benefit, and it is true he enclosed me a copy of it. I showed it to our doc, oh man he is so fed up with everything that has happened. Oh but guess what, I was so upset today, I said to him out right, I asked him okay, I said is it not true that I should've been gone long long before Matt, he said yes I was actually trully lucky so to speak that I was alive, then I got really angry and Iasked him if that is the case then why is it I am still here, God knows I so wanna be with Matt, this is just so wrong, I told him I said Matt and I were like 1, we did everything together, heck folks used to kid us about how very inlove we were remember honey, everyone who ever knew us always said how very inlove we were and how wonderful it was to see, oh God, Baby how, how, please please baby tell me how do I go on without you, I am in horid shape, you'd be appalled if you saw me, I must trully look like I am out of a horror picture show or worse, but it just doesn'tmatter to me anymore nothing does. You know they killed me that night, when I phoned up there at 1:15am and literally begged that nurse to please please let me come up, I told her I said I am telling you I know him so well, there is something bad wrong, my heart is telling me as if he is ringing the phone and asking me to come up, I knew you needed me so bad, and Baby they wouldn't allow it, no way and I mean she was downright hateful, telling me the doors were locked, I'd be outdoors, that visiting ended at 9pm and I was aware, then she said you can see him in the morning he is just fine, I was just in there she lied through her dang blasted teeth Matt, why, why why couldn't she have just let me come up and comfort you, oh Baby I think about it and how very frightened you must have been, they knew it too, they knew you feared the nights, they knew how very bad you wanted to live but honey none of that mattered to them they were the most hateful bunch, oh ya and then " Mighty Precious Rhonda", the head of that load of crap, had the bloody nerve to tell me how all of the nurses had been talking and they all felt just plum awful because they knew how very much we loved each other, heck she even said they all said they had never seen a couple so very in love, and that she wished she had a crystal ball cause she'd have done things so very differently, that was when I said oh you mean you all would've been honest, that was when she blurted out oh so you are going to sue, she waas only calling trying to sucker me into believing that they actually cared about you or I, oh no I have had almost one year to think about it, however the one year mark hasn't passed and "Baby" you are going to get the justice you so deserve, if theres any reason you haven't come for me I would wager this is it, you want me to make certain that those responsible for the hell you suffered and you loosing your battle so much sooner than you would have had you gotten the treatments I believed you were getting all along, Honey, each and everyone of those nurses who had a hand in hurting you will pay, and the doctor that lied through her bloody teeth and wrote that on your chart oh man am I ever going to make sure she never hurts anyonelse as she has us, I miss you so very much baby, please forgive me honey, I am very sore tonight, the weather has been fooling around again so I am aching like a tooth ache, oh God I long to hold you in my arms Baby, I want so badly to tell you how very much I miss you oh honey if you only knew, I pray for just alittle glimpse of you even, oh what I wouldn't give, I am hoping and praying that once the proper papers are all filed as I am not going to mention his name here you never know but I know that if I am not alive to continue the battle he will, he is a good man, a law abiding soul, and a strong Believer in Our Heaven'y Father! I love you baby with all my heart and soul, I miss you and you are all I think of, oh man this music, wwlle I am gonna go laydown, this ole body is done in she needs awhole bunch of rest, love you baby till tomorrow!xoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxooxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxooxoxox